IMPROVING AWKWARD SENTENCES – TESTING BASIC ENGLISH USAGE

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Avoiding Awkward Sentences in Writing

Clear and effective writing depends on the accurate choice of words and logical sentence structure. Sentences become awkward when they are wordy, poorly ordered, or when the meaning is not clearly expressed. Awkward sentences may still be grammatically correct, but they distract the reader and obscure the intended message.

What Makes a Sentence Awkward?

  • Unnatural or confusing word order
  • Phrases placed too far from what they describe
  • A lack of clarity about who or what is performing the action

Example of an awkward sentence:

Shout for joy was what Renee did after the track meet she won.

This sentence is grammatically complete, but it is clumsy and difficult to follow.

Clearer versions:

  • Renee shouted for joy after she won the track meet.
  • After she won the track meet, Renee shouted for joy.

These revisions are more natural and easier to understand. The subject and verb appear early, and the sentence flows logically.

Another example of awkward structure:

In the Bronx, General Colin Powell grew up, a section of New York City, in an immigrant family from Jamaica.

This version is confusing because of how the descriptive phrase is placed.

Improved version:

General Colin Powell grew up in the Bronx, a section of New York City, in an immigrant family from Jamaica.

Now, the sentence is direct and easy to understand, with details clearly attached to the ideas they describe.

IMPROVING AWKWARD SENTENCES

Directions: For each pair of sentences below, identify the version that communicates the idea more clearly by writing C next to it.

    __________ 1a. One day, he almost made the mistake of running and diving into the deep end when the pool was empty.
    __________ 1b. He almost made the mistake one day of running and diving when the pool was empty into the deep end.

    __________ 2a. The explorer described her trip down the Amazon River in our social studies class in a canoe.
    __________ 2b. In our social studies class, the explorer described her trip down the Amazon River in a canoe.

1.6 IMPROVING AWKWARD SENTENCES

1a vs. 1b

 Correct Answer: C 1a. One day, he almost made the mistake of running and diving into the deep end when the pool was empty.

Explanation:
Sentence 1a presents the actions (running and diving into the deep end) in a clear and logical order. The placement of “when the pool was empty” clearly modifies the right part of the sentence.
Sentence 1b is awkward and confusing. The phrase “into the deep end” is placed too far from the action, which causes ambiguity—readers might struggle to understand what was empty and where the diving occurred.


2a vs. 2b

 Correct Answer: C 2b. In our social studies class, the explorer described her trip down the Amazon River in a canoe.

Explanation:
Sentence 2b clearly states that the explorer gave her account during a class and that she had traveled in a canoe.
Sentence 2a is ambiguous because “in a canoe” appears to modify “our social studies class,” which is illogical. The modifier is misplaced, making the meaning unclear.

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